I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
home. puking in laundry basket.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
40s are totally the cure
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
