Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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