Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
