So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
