But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
