Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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