Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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