Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
