Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
