i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
