You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
