Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
