there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you win again, gameday.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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