i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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