I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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