Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
