...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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