Where is the hickey?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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