You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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