I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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