Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
