...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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