i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
