you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
