My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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