I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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