party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
People in love make me want to vomit
it's like iHOP with fire
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
