Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
