wake up i wanna do it froggy style
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize