If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.