Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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