forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.