I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.