I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.