I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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