This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
