Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
