Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
His nipple licking is glorious
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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