She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
