Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize