if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize