My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
