Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
