that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
