I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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