she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
