Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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