if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize