Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
