every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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