I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
