Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
