why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
