I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
