just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
