So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
