love makes seman taste better
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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