We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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