Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
