listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
