Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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