He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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