I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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