u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
