I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
