She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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