so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
