who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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