I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
