Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You pole danced in your parka.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize