I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
