We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
