it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
