I want to walk on stilts...naked
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
