4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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