She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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