my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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